Thursday, 31 March 2011

A Lifetime Decision

Best quote I've heard today (as seen on wai's fb status):
Don't make permanent decisions on temporary emotions
Or in Malay :
Jangan buat keputusan yg kekal berdasarkan emosi yg sementara.

I couldn 't agree w this saying more.
How many times in your life have you made a decision based on what you were feeling at the moment,
saying things like "we should stop talking forever." or "I'll stay w you for a life time". Things that you can
never take them back?

and of course, months after you said that, you found yourself doing OR wanting the exact oposite from what you said?

well, I did that one too many times.

I've said things like "Ive decided to stop caring.Ever again". or "This is it. I've decided my life will go this way. and thisthis thatthat blablabla.." . 
And end up feeling very depressed  when things go a whole other way round. 
Ive promised or decided things based on what I felt and I made myself believe that what I was deciding is the best decision ever.
...and I have to live a lifetime facing the consequences. 
The pressure to face everything that I never expected to happen. 
Why? Why do we tend to do that? Say things that we aren't sure gonna last or valid for a lifetime.  

I think one of my excuses would be, I need the security of the present. To have some sense of direction.
Or even at times, to have comfort
Or maybe it's just the fact that I lived everyday wishing that whatever that happened on that day, will never change. Thus by saying things like that, it gives a bit of hope that things will stay cause I dont like changes and I dont know how to handle changes. 
Hm. And maybe why I'm doing the exact oposite now is due to numerous inevitable factors that forced me to. 

But everyday, I wish I could hold on to what I've decided. Then my life would totally be in control.
Not an effin mess it is right now.

What's YOUR excuse? :)


Wednesday, 30 March 2011

True Companion

Have you ever cried so hard that it hurts both your head and your chest? It's like having your energy drained out of you.

Sakitnya Kepala. Can I sleep and please let me wake up at home.?..please?

Naznin, you know how impossible it is to find someone like you here?
Jap Correction
Impossible to find someone that even comes close to being like you!

:( It's so hard having to go through everything without you.
You're like my source of strength. You cnstantly make me feel okay.

You know what I do everytime I cant stop crying and feel horribly lonely?
I close my eyes and imagine you're here hugging me.
Saying your usual comfort words.
And cursing those who made me cry! haha just so id feel okay again.

I miss you! and mummy and daddy too.
I hope I can be back home where I can just ask you to come over or culik you depan rumah.
When I have you w me, I can go through anything. Id stop crying and you can stop worrying about me.
I promise.

So just come over here okay? :(



Aww selalu teringin nak upload pictures to my blog so that it'll look much more interesting.
The thing is the internet here is so freakin lagging and is refusing to let me upload pictures! hmph.
Thought maybe I could add some pictures when I'm back home but come to think of it, if I'm home,
takkan pernah ada masa nak update2 this blog. lol. Oh well.

Currently in "Fundamentals of Computer Problem Solving" class or also known as programming.
Revising on functions. How stressful.
Been getting less than 6 hours sleep in the past 3 days
and I guess now my brain is so mad me for not letting it rest.
Maybe that's the reason now it refuses to work w me. Ha ha

I can BET if you can see how my brain is now, it would be clearly stated there,
with bold block letters.ahah

Oh well, I got no one to blame. I registered myself for this. So painful or not, it is what I asked for.

On the contratry, it was all kinda fun.
Handling the event to welcome VC and everything.
It's so amazing how one person can turn the whole university into a major chaos. haha

and so alright the lecturer is talking up front.
and it all sounds so gibberish.
all I think I hear is "bgfsdfhsdjfsdf.blablubleh? blubabubeh yea?"
HAHA and I'm smiling alone here like some mad women.

To make matters worse,
I dont have my specs w me and I'm closer to the back of the class!
So it's like one huge blur in front w someone talking in some ancient language.

please note the sarcasm.

ooh and suddenly feel like eating nasi ayam pak Mud. HAHA


Do you like it ?

I can't deny, my daily life here in Kedah is harder than I ever thought it could get.
On some days, I couldnt even believe that I'm still coping up w stuffs, although barely.
Bayangkan, I'm even suprised that I'm still here and not six feet under! wow. ahah Yay me .

Okay, in life we cant run from problems. 'Cause everybody has problems, right?  and sometimes, they say
it's just a choice of attitude. As to how we react to a certain situation. And that people can only hurt us if
we let them do so. Am I right ?

Another famous quote. is the fact that we must always treat people the way we want to be treated. And never mistreat others if you yourself dont wanna be mistreated. Tapi mcm mana kalau kita dah baik2 pun kena jugak ? Hm.

Here, Im gonna give you a few situations and ask yourself whether you like it or not.
Then ask yourself whether you have ever done it to someone. If the answer is no, and then yes for the second question, jomlah we change for the better and treat people the way we would like to be treated.

1. Do you like it when you smile at someone and they dont smile back?
2. Do you like it when you have problems w someone and all you want is to talk it out but that someone
    acts as if you're invisible although you're RIGHT THERE INFRONT of him?
3. Do you like it when everything you say is mistaken for a bad meaning ? Just because they want to
    think that you're the bad guy.
4. Do you like going to class everyday having that feeling of worry that you'll meet that someone you
    despise? And when you do meet that someone, somehow everything about that day seems wrong?
5. Do you like being left hanging each time you have a conversation?
6. Do you like being judge for the things you did not do ?
7. Do you like being revenged for the things, again, you did not do?
8. Do you like having someone tell you one thing, but do the exact oposite?
9. Do you like being confuse?
10. Do you like having someone being so rudely sarcastic w you when you know you dont deserve it?

I can ask you so many more questions, but the ones I stated up here is what I have to put up w everyday.
and I didnt ask for it. My only want is to get to live here happily, free from any dramas. Yes, dramas. I hate them. Kalau selalu mcm ni, walaupun i refuse to let it hurt me, sakit gak ar kadang2 tu.


Tuesday, 29 March 2011


Went for karaoke to let out carefully burried feelings.
Feeling gila~!
 Oh well, lets be skema for awhile shall we?

Seandainya kita masih bersatu
Tak mungkinkan menyatu
Walau masih ada sisa cinta
Biarkan saja berakhir sampai di sini

Tiada lagi yang ku harapkan
Tiada lagi yang ku impikan
Biar aku sendiri tanpa diri mu
Tiada lagi kata cintamu
Takkan lagi ku bersama mu
Biar ku simpan semua
Kenangan ku bersamamu

Really Deep meanings, no ? :)
Go Figure.


Monday, 28 March 2011

Oh magnificent~ (sense the sarcasm)

It's 2:15 am in the morning and I just got back from Masjid Ashabul Kahfi, UiTM.
It felt so nice to walk about in this wee hour cause the wind is pleasantly cooling.
Tomorrow is supposed to be free day!
Tetiba lecturer dngn senang hati buat kelas ganti from 8-10 and a quiz from 4.30-5.30pm.
Menarik bukan?

And guess what subject?

The biggest obstacle for me to score again this semester.
I dont know why my brain refuses to accept this subject -.-
IF it's any other subject, then I might just make it through.

But now, I haven't bloody studied a single thing and
how can I ever expect to score tomorrow?
Don't sleep all throughout the night?
Wah. I'm only human.

But I can't afford having low carry marks :( oh how how how.

Haih though tonight was exhausting, I can't deny the fact that it was actually rather fun :)
We did the flags, bunga maggar and everything in between.

I laughed so hard; I actually managed to cause myself to  cry.
Like non stop.
Not to mention the horrible stomach cramp due to excessive vibration at tummy. HAHA
Oh well, when you're happy, everything else wil seem perfect. ahah

all thanks to..?
I know you're reading this. haha!
"Kau lagila. panggil aku raksasa berbulu. eh terguris tau"

I swear it was amazing where he got all the energy from. He just kept going :S for hours! And kak Fidee too!
And it was all seem so spontaneous.
You've earned my respect.!
...Well that is until 1.30am where you suddenly decided to berhenti kerja from "Kilang Bendera Sahol" ,
And tetiba your battery kong begitu saja.
Yes believe me when I say he suddenly terbongkang tngh2 that masjid, face facing down :S

Aahaha I could never understand you .

Oh well, better start my revision now. all the best for tomorrow's quiz Ciya!


Sunday, 27 March 2011


Ya Allah, nowadays, eaarthquake sana earthquake sini.
I'll be lying if I say I'm not scared at all.
Knowing that God is mad at the world. Mad at us.
It proves just how powerful He is and how easily He can take everything and anything we have now.

Let's all muhasabah diri and change for the better :)
Doa for all the muslims in the world.
Earn his blessings, so that we may live happily and safe from all the harm in this world, and forever in the hereafter. InsyaAllah.

Saturday, 26 March 2011

Intimidating ?

My phone battery is seriously acting up.
Imagine charging it for two hours,
After that, send just satu message,

Tak ke sakit jiwa? Sikit2 nak mati, sikit2 nak mati.
Org sepatutnya seboleh2 nak hidup lama-lama,
Dia tk habis-habis nak mati.
Haih dear phone, I love you so much so please stop dying on me k?
I wont change you for a blackberry.  :) aha


Okay I don't understand how people usually give the lamest excuse ever.
No offence.
but seriously? if you berani do that thing, you should be berani enough to admit the reasons. No?

Here, I'm so used to being left out from activities.
But I don't usually take it to heart since I'm fully aware w the fact that I don't really make "BEST" friends here.
Just a couple of good ones.

But then have some heart la when you go to someone right next to me and say "Eh esok jom blablabla".

Usually, when I got that, Id just say "Amboi. org tepi ni tknak ajak ke ? :p "

And wanna know the most common respond I got ?
                    Oh ala.. Ciyaa. mana nak keluar dengan kamii . Mana ada masaa

???er.. I mean hello isnt it obvious that Im selling myself out here? Hahah.

If you dont want me there, I get it :) I was obviously joking pun when I asked tknak ajak I ke.
But if you feel like you owe me a reason,
please give an acceptable reason rather than putting the reason on me .
If you cant do so, then dont give a reason at all.

Haha cause honestly, I dont mind and I understand :)
Chances are, Im not gonna be in the mood to go out pun, depending on how I'm feeling now .

BUT sometimes it'd be great to feel wanted for an outing.
It's always nice to feel needed, no?


Friday, 25 March 2011


I'm having such a blessed week! Alhamdulillah :)

Sepanjang minggu ni makan memanjang.
AND not just any normal meals, BUT sentiasa makan besar.

Tanjung Dawai, Gerai nasi Ayam Pak Mud, Hot Mas.

And now I hereby declare : SAYA DAH BANKCRUPT :D Haha dah Paps Kedane (Papa kedana)
But a REALLY happy paps kedane :P

Wait; scratch that.. I just remembered something . SEMUA cost diatas ni someone else yg tanggung.
Muahahahahhaha! *satisfiedlaugh*.  Please la jealous. hehe
Anyhow, Thank you to kumpulan sponsor :D.

Makan, makan jugak. Body weight is hitting the roof :S Org dah ramai tegur that I'm getting rounder.
.Oh well, asalkan hati gumbira, no? (:


p/s : Nasi Ayam Pak Mud terbaik! lol
        and I'm still hating my blog cause I cant seem to post any pictures :/

The light when I needed the most.

If I were there, I would offer a warm hug and a kiss on the forehead
Wherever it is you are right now

It sounds so simple, yet it has given me the best pleasure I've ever felt this whole week! :D
Thank You so much.

Simple, yet original :)

You pun asyik pakai tudung bawal je. Bosan laa.

First and foremost, I have no problem whatsoever w the person who said this.
Infact, she's one of my closest friend ever :) and she was kidding.
But it gave me an idea to write something on my blog today.
Ive wrote a post once on tudung. This is the second.

It was yeaaaars ago when semua org pakai tudung bawal, reti ke tak, you have no other choice.
It was the only type of tudung that was available.

Now, FUH COUNTLESS FASHION ada. search je kat youtube how to style hijab. Sure banyak.
Dari tudung indon, ke tudung indon lilit, ke shawl, ke pashmina, ke syria, ke selimut, cotton corak2.
Semua ada nak puaskan hati pemakai.

But yet, no offence, makin lama, makin senghabut style tudung ni .
Makin menonjol; it demands every possible attention it can.
Tak boleh dinafikan, you're gonna get alot of attention from wearing tudung secara "style"
But is that really the point you want to wear tudung ?
Im sure we dont want people to think that we wear tudung just to stand out.

And I'm sure we are not meant to develop tudung style every year "sesuai dengan perkembangan semasa".
Im sure.

Why I prefer bawal ?
Yes bab nak bentuk and iron tu sngt leceh.
But I genuinely thing its the simplest and nicest form of head scarf.
And whats best? it can suit ANY ocassion. Honestly any.
The same tudung you can wear it everywhere and anywhere ranging from mamak hangouts, to even dinner! :)

And it maintains the kemelayuan and keayuan look :P

In the end, for me, this among the earliest style, is the best one ever. Timeless, Im sure.
Simple, decent, yet flexible <3

What more could I ask for?  :)


Thursday, 24 March 2011


Merah (me), Hitam (him)
Ciya, ur blog is adorable­ ­
it is?
I like the part when u talk about ur family
to tweet
which one?
Ada a few
Haha I don't know you read them
Recently. Since I have plenty for free time. You dont mind kan?
:) Of course I don't!
wtv it is, keep posting :)

Aw thanks! actually kan, I rasa you sorg je yg baca.
haha really? what about the other 2 followers?
Oh yes and them too.. kot
Well, I think your blog is interesting. Fun to read. Unlike others. hehe
Really? in what way?
Like the way you wrote it. cam kemas je. nak baca pun senang
and the way you express your feelings pun mcm interesting.
You're the first :) thanks!
No problem. As long as you keep posting, I'll be honoured to read it.

That was really random and it caught me offguard :) I never thought that anyone would actually read this blog. ahah thus, Thank you M (; What you said was the sweetest and the first compliment I got for this blog. eheh
InsyaAllah I'll keep posting.


Wednesday, 23 March 2011


She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart
While i'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar
And we don't know how we got into this mad situation
Only doing things out of frustration
Lyrics tiada kena mengena.

How the hell do you make homesick feeling disappear?

I can laugh for the whole day and end up still feeling homesick.
I thought you're suppose to feel homesick only when you're lonely?
Now it seems as though no matter how great my day went, in the end i would still feel helplessly Homesick.
And I hate this :(

Oh well, at least tonight was wonderful!

We randomly went to Tanjung Dawai for dinner. There were 10 of us.

Tiya, Aiman, Aini, Nana, Me, Akmal, Nangka, Adam, Bawi, Nangka, and ALA LG SORG SORRY LUPA NAMA. :/

It was REALLY satisfying to be able to eat to my heart's content there :)
Tak ingt dunia.
And the best part was, AIMAN PAID FOR IT ALL. ALL.
I smngt order semua yg I nak, utk makan puas, not knowing that I was indirectly squeezing the money
out of somebody else's pocket :p
eheh oh well. sometimes you gotta be mean eh? LOL.


P/S : Makanan tanjung dawai TERBAIK. full recommendation :)

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Where do I stand in your life ?

I'm already in semester two in UiTM. but never even once have I felt truly belong.
I still struggle to sleep every night.
Putting a smile on my face every day even when I dont feel like it, is now a routine.
Im definitely out of my comfort zone. and I dont know why.

Most of my loved ones are so far away.
My sister is in london. My brother, my sis-in-law and my niece are in London.
My second brother is getting married in June.
Kamal is already doing degree in Shah Alam.  So he's staying at home.
Naznin is in MSU.
Aida is flying off soon somewhere in August, prolly to washington.
Anis is in aussie.
Bukhari will be flying off to India soon.
And so is Adam..and a few others.

And while I get this information from everyone, I kat mana ?
Dalam bilik kt UiTM kedah tngh tido kebosanan.
Esok buat apa?  Buat Visa? No. buat entrance exam to some prestigous university? No.
Packing my bags to go overseas? No.

What will I be doing then ?
Bangun, pergi class and doing the exact same thing Ive been doing for months.
Just getting by this freaking hard life in Kedah.
Something new?  NOTHING.
Nak habis diploma dah ? im far from finishing.
Rasa mcm. what am I doing here?  this is not where Im suposed to be.

Maybe its because the fact that I see something Ive worked for so very hard all this while,
org lain senang je dapat :)
Maybe its because i have to see certain someone everyday and its so disturbing.
Maybe its because I dont have that kind of comfort that I do back home.
Bestfriends, parents, NON.

The telephone can't take the place of your smile.
When I need you, I just close my eyes and I'm with you.

Be strong Ciya, maintain!
All this hardship, will make your victory even sweeter.
One more month.


Monday, 21 March 2011


"I'm gonna stay right here by your side,
Do my best to keep you satisfied
Nothing in the world can drive me away

'Cause every day, you'll hear me say

Baby, I'm yours (baby, I'm yours)
And I'll be yours (yours) until two and two is three,
Yours (yours) until the mountains crumble to the sea
In other words, until eternity"

I told you hundreds of times to never promise me anything. Never, cause I never forget. and you'd have pressure to keep the promise.
And I don't wanna end up being hurt.

Being you, you never listen.

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Best lyrics.

Everytime our eyes meet,
This feeling inside me, is almost more than I can take.
Baby when you touch me,
I can feel how much you love me,
and it just blows me away.

I've never been this close to anyone, or anything.
I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams.

I don't know how you do what you do,
I'm so in love w you,
and it just keeps getting better,
I wanna spend the rest of my life,
With you by my side, forever and ever.

Every little thing that you do,
Baby I'm amazed by you.

The smell of your skin,
The taste of your kiss,
The way you whisper in the dark.
Your hair all around me,
Baby you surround me,
You touch every place in my heart <3

Home is where my mother is

Tengah hari td, while in a popular bookstore, I called mummy. :

Hello, mummy!
Mummy, sebenarnya..erm Im running out of money. Tehee.
Ye kee? :p
Ye la!
Lama dah I tak masukkan money ke? ;p
Er..Lama jugakla. Eheh..BUT I still have money in hand. Just dalam bank jumlah dia tk cukup menarik. LOL.
Ohh.. maksudnya kalau tak masukkan today tkpela?
Uish. takpela. mmg tk suruh sekarang pun. esok esok oso can. Just early warning :p
Alright, because it's raining now. Im stuck in the house. Youtakecare.
Okay mummy. Love you
Love you! :)

Later this night..

Ive put in rm********
Wah? why so early wan? I thought you wanted to bank in tomollow?
Tadi keluar makan..risau anak tak makan. Ha..Ha..
AWW. You miss me is itt? huh? huh? :p
Just sikit je..sikit.
Eleh. egoistic!
Esh ego kena maintain!!
Haha, ego pun egolah. Thank you so much. I MISS YOU TOO MUMMY! and daddy <3

Ahaha macam2 lah mak kesayangan ciya ni :)) Can't wait to be home and to get to hug you again.


Wednesday, 16 March 2011

So close yet so far.

Have you ever feel like that? Having someone so physically close to you but there's this HUGE space separating the two of you.. ?

Not sure?

For example, you go to the same university, happen to be in the same club, joining the same activites, yet you still feel you guys are worlds apart?

Well yea, that's how Im feeling :/ How is that possible eh? Is it the undeniably different circle of friends? different thinkings? different background? WHAT?

Can't wait for Penang.
Here I come!


Wish List :

Please note that I am thankful w whatever I have right now, and I strongly believe there's a silver lining to everything :) but as a normal human I cant help going through the day wishing little2 random things.
Random Wish List :
  1. I wish I have more shoes than just the sandals, pumps, and toilet slippers. ahah
  2. I wish account subject will become much easier in time.
  3. I wish I'm in London right now w Aisya Zara, Faiz n Kbb, and Min.
  4. I wish our parents are allowed to stay w us here in Kedah.
  5. I wish there's an erase button for unwanted thoughts and memories.
  6. I wish I could turn my emotions on and off like the vampires in Vampire Diaries.
  7. I wish I have a super power where I can be invisible and also read people's minds.
  8. I wish my bedroom can magically clean itself.
  9. I wish Mathematics can solve their own problems.
  10. I wish the laundry can do itself.
  11. Wait, I wish all chores can magically move and finish themselves.
  12. I wish I can have magic menu where I can order whatever I feel like eating
  13. I wish there's a huge ice cream and chocolate store in UiTM Kedah
  14. I wish there is actually a proper pedestarian walk for us girls to go to classes complete w roof -.-
  15. I wish I have doraemon's "Pintu Suka Hati". Seriously.
  16. I wish classes are only through video conversations!

A surprise.

Dear Beloved Blog,

 Sitting in the ELC crossword table/booth, listening to someone talking at the english speaker's corner;

 And thats when he came. Taking a chair next so me, he sat down, looked at his watch that was pointing to 2.30 pm.
He said "My class is at 3. I have 30 minutes to say my speech.".

 Elok-elok tngh makan, my face flushed, terus tersedak. *Mamat ni dah kenapa...*  terkejut i. HAHA.

And I was trying to avoid the topic for the next 20 minutes. Afiqah came sometime in between and I thought I was saved from the topic. It's not that I didnt like that type of conversation, its just that I get terribly nervous everytime someone does that. I swear I couldve fainted from the shyness.

Well the last 5 minutes before he went, afiqah decided to go somewhere else to buy a drink.  and yet again he looked anxiously at his watch, exhales, and said "okay I got 5 minutes...". And then he went on, while trying so hard from being eye to eye w me. Maybe it was nervewrecking for him too.

To be honest, I've never truly fallen for a girl here before.
Yes, I've liked a few. But that's just.. adore.
Like ,"Oh sukanya tngok dia tu"
And that was just it. The feeling never lasted.
With you somehow somewhat, it's different.
And I want you to know that........

That was when fiqa came back to the place! ahahaha :) and it was the right time for him to go to class.
and I thought that was just it.
Thats when he got up, went to the other side of me, and whispered "Il**eyousomuch"
and He ran. I swear he ran like the wind. The next thing I know I couldnt find him anywhere around the courtyard. Hahaha

It might seem like a typical cnfession, but at times like this, it's really really really nice to feel needed.
I was touched :') Speechless, but extremely touched.



Tuesday, 15 March 2011


""I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind."


Im sorry . It's amazing how far you'd go to defend her. I'm not strong enough. Thus, I deleted you. It's just survival instinct.

Monday, 14 March 2011


Ya Allah, I cant do this on my own. I'm letting go, so give me one more chance, and save me from this road I'm on.

I do believe that God won't test His slaves with the kind of hardship they cannot handle.
And I also believe even if He gives me 1000 of reasons to cry blood each day, He is gonna give at least one wonderful reason to smile. And that reason why we smile, is strong enough to make us through yet another day. InsyaAllah.
So all I have to do now is concentrate on the reasons why I should smile right? :)
So here goes.

UPs for today :
  • Calculus test result is also a satisfactory
  • Mummy and Daddy are proud of me and worried about my health condition
  • Class is only for one hour from 12-1
  • Someone says he loves me. So thanks :)
  • "I boleh terima kopi tanpa susu, malam tanpa lampu, roti tanpa madu, pizza tanpa keju, tapi..
    pantang betul i kalau hidup i sunyi tanpa you
    :(" . Cheezy, but haha I miss you too friend!
  • There will be no test for atleast another week. Yippie.
As for the down sides. Let's just say it feels like the carefully sewn scars Ive burried all this while is slowly being torn open again. Slowly  :) ..Menarik.
Tetiba mcm banyak pulak air mata bertakung kt bawah kelopak ni kan.

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile though your heart is aching eh?:)


Sunday, 13 March 2011

Honesty is the Best Policy.

Please note that the above saying doesnt apply to every situation. In some situations, some things are better left unsaid :p Like, seriously.

But in most cases, a conversation might be the best solution to the problem.
Like what I've just been through.
Since everything is okay now, berani la nak cerita kt blog :p

Yesterday, had a terrible misunderstanding w beloved roomie.
and we were both arguing w our inner-selves as to whether or not we should confront each other.

Both were extremely annoyed, but both were trying the best not to cause a scene and fight one another.

To care or to hate?
Which will YOU choose? . okay, melodramatic mode again.

In the end I guess we both chose the right path. Which is to care.
She came clean this morning and so did I. We talk it out nicely.
Both were equally afraid nak buat the other marah.
Dua dua apologized. Give and take.
and the persengketaan ends there :) Simpler than I thought it would go.
Im glad I didnt choose the harsh path to confront here
Or it would go the other way round .

Glad that we were both adult enough to handle it properly.
Takde la catfight catfight mcm highschool dulu.
So everyone out there, I think the best way to handle roomates drama is to confront them.
Come clean about everything.
Im sure everything will be okay again in the end :)



Dear Beloved Blog,

Im sorry sir, for being mad at you utk beberapa ketika petang td . eheh
It was just plainly because you decided to tell me that we were going to have
a surprise back to back quiz this very night! What an "excellent" choice of night, i thought.
No excuse summore!

Totally unprepared, giving up and not in a good condition to do last minute study either;
The only thought that went through my mind was;
"Ah, nasib. 0 ke satu angka je ke, lantak. I had enough for the day, I just want to finish them fast, go back to my room, and indulge myself w unhealthy food and a good self-pitty session. ha ha."

So when I went into the room, my main goal was to finish the quizzes fast and get the hell out of there.
There was no stress nor pressure whatsoever. Just me, wanting to please myself for once, instead.

When I got the paper, I didnt even bother to check the questions, wether they are hard or not. I just read the first question, do. Then the second question, do. Until the very last question. And I didnt even bother to check. Finish one quiz. Pass up, take the next quiz.

It was the same process yet again.


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. ALHAMDULILLAH. Unexpectedly, The results were satisactory :)
Though they were just quizzez, it seems like they are the only things that seem right today. One reason to smile after getting 1001 reasons to cry. Still. I was more than thankful.

Come to think of it, maybe it was because I wasnt nervous. I didnt think that much about it. and so I entered the hall with empty mind. No expectations. Nothing. So the stress wasnt there to block my mind.

Maybe that's what I should do from now on.
Everytime masuk test, just fikir nak balik cepat and tkyah serabut kepala risau pasal the questions that are cooming. Maybe boleh jawab Kot? :p Ahaha.

Wish me luck for tomorrow's test!


Frustrating Flu.

Why? Why oh why now Ciya? You can't afford to be sick.

Tomorrow test, Tonight back2back quizzes.
Gaah :'( The stress is finally catching up w me.

Can I go home now please?

Now I'm torn between giving up, just go w the flow and accept everything  as it is. If fail, then fail lah (which is the higher possibility). If bagus, then Alhamdulillah.


Pushing myself to the very edge that I'm sure I'm at right now, trying the best I could to perform and maintain; but risk falling off the edge, hit rock bottom and have everything I have in this world fall down on me.

Either way, it is always always ALL or NOTHING,
and its so so suffocating  :'(

Ya Allah, give me the grace to accept
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking the world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Saturday, 12 March 2011

"Okay Mr Computer. I miss Suhaila soo much. So please stop being stuck so I can talk to her :)"

note to self : Everything has its expiry date. Stop remembering Ciya.

Forgive me.

First and foremost, I would like to appologize to everyone who might get disturbed by this entry :)

Ive made a promise to myself that I would try my best not to hate anyone or have any sense of this dislike.
BUT maybe today, I'll make an exception.

Since this blog is new, I was browsing through to find some kind of inspiration to make my blog more interesting.
First idea, since Im so lazy in typing, I thought just maybe, everyday I would record some spontaneous video at some point of my day, and post it here. Together w the story of what happened. So everybody wont miss that you-had-to-be-there moments.

AND I stumbled upon some not-so-interesting-blog-but-so -belagak-best blog.
and after months of putting up with the craze, I hereby want to shout out loud,
Like seriously, have some respect. Atleast respect the real purpose tudung was made for.

Yes it's fine to add some glamour to it so it would fit for some events and your clothings. but making it a MAJOR FASHION STATEMENT? Tak perlu pun tkpa kot ? Tak rasa mcm dah terpesong sikit ke tu ?

If ada special ocassion, yes I might understand. But keluar pg kelas je? UITM plak tu. Whats up w the amazing need to look all glamorous ? .
Fyi, incase you've forgotten. we're in Malaysia. The country that is known to have rain AND heat all throughout the year.

So motive pakai selimut kt kepala ? :)


Annoyed to the max.

Dear Beloved Blog,

''Sarcasm is fun. Once you see the beauty in it."

I used to agree with this quote. Sarcasm IS fun. but there are limits. seriously.
Bertempat la sikit. Ni org ckp elok elok nak sarcastic, tk perlu pun tkpe kot? :)

Now I feel incredibly stupid for being nice to you all this while. Now, it feels like whats the point?
Constantly berusaha nak be nice to a person so he or she would be happy,
and the ONLY reponses i got was plain hurtful sarcasm.
I wonder, Does it really feel THAT good when you hurt someone ?

For anywho yg terasa, well you should be. I could never never understand your actions.
You meant so much to me and i wanted you to be happy, but CLEARLY the feeling wasn't mutual.
I tell you what, you live your life, and I live mine. And lets just hope that our lives wont intertwined ever again.
'Cause I am really really tired trying and i seriously want to stop fighting w you.
So here goes, good bye and take care. I hope you're happy :)



     Currently tngh bersandar dekat fiqah yg sangat sangat comel dan empuk. Walaupun annoying. Muahaha.
LOVE YOU FIQA. i tknak ckp kuat2 je. muahaha. She gave amazing comfort. Really. I think every one of you should try leaning on her. :P
    For a whole week this week ada english week :) Gonna be busy attending to students dkat booth nnti. Im gonna be handling the dart game. But it's not normal dart game. Here's the catch, dkt setiap lingkaran  at the target nnti will be written a small topic in English (i.e grammar, vocab, idiom, etc). So based on where you hit at the target, we will ask you a question. And if you answered correctly, you'll get a prize! as simple as that :) Only 20 cents per shoot. Nice huh? *winkwink*. ahhaah

   Had a movie night w girlfriends yesterday. Sngt best :) I wanted to write all about it , along w pictures but this blog wont let me upload any pictures and its annoying :/ Maybe next time. Help!

OOOH, last but not least,

and thanks sbb excited call i bgtau. aha i sendiri tk sempat sempat nak publicize the blog. Hebat la boleh find this blog :D



Yes this is still original Ciya,
Not some impostor or someone with no identity :)

Why the new blog? My old blog dah jadi gila and it is impossible to rearrange the templates.
Ive tried everything.
so now it looks like the ugliest thing ever. Har har.

I dont know why suddenly ada mood to reblog again.
Maybe it's due to lack of activities to be done here in Kedah. Seriously.
And Im proud to say, I'm desperate for some fun or what they call, "Adventure".
Ceh. okay over dramatic.

SSSSSSSSSOOOO, lets just hope this mood to blog will last, shall we? :))