Saturday, 19 November 2011

Shed a tear.

I guess Imma postpone my wasiat to people for awhile. Sorry :p But here's what in my mind now.

I called him up yesterday. Just because. I joked around, telling him I was there, right where he wanted me to be. I thought it was obvious I was kidding around as I was using my mother's phone...Even so, I couldn't help but notice there was a hint of enthusiasm in his voice as he asked me where I really was.

Like there's a pinch of hope that I might just be near. Right there with him like the old times.

At that moment, I just wanted to drop whatever I was doing, and take the next flight there. So I can have him close again ;)

Haih, this is going to be so hard.

I miss you bad.

Thursday, 17 November 2011

AMY SEARCH - Tiada Lagi.

Ha jom feeling sikit :)

Warkah buat sahabat. ECEH *vomit*

Among the few responses I got when I told my friends I am going to accept the fast track offer. 
I'm not trying to prove anything here; they are all my dearly beloved best friends. 
And that sad feeling, is mutual.

I must say I've been exaggerating all these while. Merbok isn't THAT bad. 
I mean, I have more than enough people I need to enjoy it there. 
Just times it's not quite suitable for a girl like me kot? 
I get bored with places, things and people easily. Sounds like a brat kan. Har har
Either way, I am totally OKAY to continue my studies there. 
I just have some personal reasons as to why I prefer taking the fast track.

But I AM feeling a bit blue.
YES, I might NOT want to go back to Merbok NOW..or tomorrow for that matters; B.U.T,  I don't think I am ready to leave that place for good either. 
I have so much going on for me there..that it does get hard to think that for a fact, my time there is over.. and there's no turning back. I'm leaving soo many people AND responsibility behind that it's heartbreaking.

I won't be able to join in anymore and I'll be missing out on so much fun and quality times I'M SURE. Thus, I am so very sad. I don't wanna be feeling left out.

SOO, in order to MAKE SURE you people will never forget me, please, allow me to be all oooey gooey and cheesy this once? :)

Imma make another post. Just to post some messages to some people :) But itll take some time as I need to find pictures and everything.

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Typical Boring Day

On a typical boring day, this is how my chitchat w Ain looks like

11 minutes ago
Ciya Fakri
  • Ahah sekali tk dapat en fast track
  • hmm
  • 10 minutes ago
    Ciya Fakri
    • HAHAHHA buduh.
    • cipan kepala sembilan
  • 7 minutes ago
    Zu'ain Zaizura
    • hahaha
    • gila la i chat ngn you
  • 6 minutes ago
    Ciya Fakri
    • Haahhahha bodo i terbayang la gila.
    • HAHA
    • babins.
  • 6 minutes ago
    Zu'ain Zaizura
    • hahaha
    • sape suruh start
    • padan muka


Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Whats left of us.

And so, Im having one of those moments where I don't even feel like getting out of bed. So here I am. Trying hard to distract my head from things but failing miserably. -_________- Anyhow, the week started off really well. My darlings here came down to KL. One from Perak, one from Melacca after visited his girlfriend. anyonyonyo. Took them around incase I wont be seeing them anymore after this :') I really sure do hope I will. But it's so hard to tell in the near future.

So here's the reason why I love them too much. Because they're so gay. ahha

...And somewhere along the way Amim decided to be gay-er than usual. so the camwhoring continues..

HAHA! ..and THEN he's back to his usual wannabe-rocker self. 

:) What I hate the most? it's the fact that it took me three semesters to find you wonderful peeps..
And just when I'm starting to have fun, just when you guys are starting to grow on me,
I might just be leaving soon. Bleargh.

Okay enough w the cheesy stuffs. THANK YOU FOR COMING DOWN TO VISIT MEE.
Ill miss you so much :) 

How do you go against someone who is almost perfect? Or do you just give up ?

Smile and everything would get better, Ciya.
Have faith.

Thursday, 20 October 2011


Stop talking bullsh*t boleh tak J?
You're in love with everybody.

Thursday, 13 October 2011


I'm giving up. However way I see it, we are worlds apart. I could never stand a chance against her. She has everything. Appearance? Check. Money? Check. Willingness to do everything for you? Check. Socially hot? Check. She's the epitome of hot. Almost perfect. Everything anyone could ever wish for.

And me? Im at the exact opposite pole. Im just a girl next door. I don't have much to offer. Just a promise to love you dearly and to always be there for you. But I'm stubborn and headstrong;so I can't even promise that we won't fight. All I do know is that I'm heck happy and comfortable around you and if I may, I want to continue to try hard to make you happy in return.

There. a promise to try.
But yes, I do not have much to offer. So who am I kidding? I'm just wasting my time if I stay here waiting. So I need to give up, no?

Tell me if Im wrong.

Friday, 7 October 2011


After some time of not contacting each other, I went out w that person before leaving this place.
Upon saying goodbye, he cried.
Got a message afterwards;

"I cried because, I actually forgot how happy I am with you. I cried cause of all people over here, I know your absence very well; and even that was when you're still close. I cried because you mean the world to me. I can lie to everyone that I don't love you anymore but I can't lie to myself. I cried because you are special"

I dont know whether to cry or smile.
I'm sorry, I know Ive put you through hell.
And through it all, it is truly a miracle that you still don't hate me.
If only there are thousands more of you..

Trust Issues.

Ayat nak manis je selalu
no I don't trust 'em words anymore.

Monday, 3 October 2011


Dear Mr Friendly that said hye to everybody :p,

Each time you're around,
can't deny, I'm at my happiest. :)

So tell me theres a part of you that'll miss me too.




one more paper to go :) which is 5 days away.


lol. ooh and it's amazing how being able to answer one calculus question can make you feel
oh-so-awesome and so so pandai :p
trust me, I felt like albert einstein. hahaha

though the paper wasn't easy. it was OK. fair. :)

oh well, most of the people I know are having their last paper today. And heading straight home

I know its not confirmed yet, but lets say Im going to fast track,
means this is the last time Imma see you peeps for a long time.

Gonna miss everything despite it all :') Hope to see everyone soon.

oh well,

Feel like kissing everybody.

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Tampaq Penin.


I can't believe I got overdramatic during ECO120 paper for nothing. And now I feel reallyreally stupid.

Anyhow, Thats another paper down. Next paper, the killer one. CALCULUS.

Hehe but here's my story ;

Lucky me, some of the questions are exactly like the past years'. So I can say, Alhamdulillah I was able to answer them. So first things first, I answered all the objective questions. Only one or two I wasn't sure off.

Then I flipped through the pages. Part B four questions, Part C essay four questions.  DAMN BANYAK WEH - i thought. 
Referred to cover page to see if we get to choose which questions to answer. And ALL I ever read was "Anwer question Part A, Part B and Part C in the answer sheet given..yadayada". Something like that. And I was like dayyyymmmmm. Kena jawab semua. So many weh. Oh well. 

And then I answered all part B in one go. I tend to do that sometimes. Answer as fast as I could, and get back to it later.  That was when my stomache decided to go against me and stinging like hell. It suddenly hurts SO BAD, I couldnt even pretend I was okay anymore. I was all crippled and senget benget in my seat. But I refused to go to the toilet. Wanted to finish part B. Just my luck, the pain subsided for a bit after awhile.

When I got to essay part C, I jotted my points for each question in the question paper. Just incase. 
And then it came again. That UNBEARABLE pain in the tummy. I cant lie, it hurts so bad I felt like picking up my phone and call my mum that very second. But of course I didnt. 

Went to the toilet instead. It didnt work out. So I ended up wasting my time spending foreeeever in the toilet crying. Yes, believe me, crying. It hurts THAT bad. Even worse, I even considered dropping the paper, and take it some other time cause I thought I could never answer the questions in this condition and it broke my heart since I knew I could answer the questions. and I was oh-so-ready you let go of economics after this. So I didn't wanna retake the paper. Though it was obvious to the examiner that I was crying. a

and I was like aaaaaaaaaah! :'( no no dont wanna retaaake. I can answer this paperrrr.  Spent my own sweet time in the toilet, gathered my strength and walked back in the examination hall.

It was 15 minutes to go and I havent answered the last 2 questions. Which means Imma lose 40 marks, I thought.
So i did it as much as I could, as best as I could, and I swear my handwriting was like this :-
and the person beside me was laughing! and I was so angry >:[ 
And ofcourse not long after, the time's up! Kira kira, dalam over 12 marks jugak la hilang. 
And I got so frustrated, with hurting tummy lg, and that was it..another breakdown. I got so mad at myself and I was like.

Stupid stupid stupid. You had to have stomachache kan? You had to spend extra time in the toilet kan? You just had to take the time you had just now for granted kan? All the time in you were in the toilet, you could've used it to answer the questions properly tau? Stupid tummy. Stupidstupid Ciya. You can't afford this, dummy. Ah :'(

Fighting back my tears, I went to a friend to ask her what she answered for the questions I didnt manage to answer. And she went "eh? tk tau. tk jawab". Dengan relaksnya. So I asked her why tk jawab. er she flipped to the front page, showed me one of the instructions that I somehow FAILED to read no matter how many times Ive flipped to the front page. It stated there "ANSWER TWO QUESTIONS FROM PART C".

TWO. T-W-O. 2. 

And I just had, had to push myself to answer all the freakin four questions and got so emotional for not being able to answer the last two -___________________________________- Kesian tummy I kena marah.
And that little time I couldve used to check my answer at part B and A but didnt.


And I feel sillier than ever. -.-


Tummy is still hurting.


Ah everybody needs that one friend who you can tell how much you are intimidated by this other person, and he or she will take one look at this other person and immediately go

"Ah she's a bitch. Neah you can beat her anytime you want. No doubt ;)"

without even knowing that other person. ahah

It's not judging. Seriously. We all know that your friend isn't really hating or stereotyping. They'll probably even forget how the other person looks once the conversation is over. lol

But They're just being a rocking friend that is trying to make you feel better .

Can't lie, it works wonder. I've been through it, and I ended up laughing my head off. I went like

"Ish. mana you tau. You haven't seen her really. She has what it takes. Obviously"

and my friend went like

"pffft.! Bitch ni?ish sekali pandang tau blablabla. Takda benda ah.
Sumpah senang you nak overtake dia. Cuba you jadi berani and kejam sikit.
Sumpah takda benda ;)"

with the utmost confidence! Hahah
Even I am not that confident in myself.
and it's basically the same thing throughout the entire conversation.

And I hung up the phone smiling :) From all the laughing.
Though I know most of it are probably said just to comfort,
I still ended up feeling a lil bit more confident than I was.

When you have a friend that is THAT confident,
you can't help but feeling confident yourself. It's contagious. ahha

and it works so much better than the typical
"Ala maybe she's all that.. but you can too.. everybody can..donot give up..yadayadayada"

because sometimes you don't really want a way out.
sometimes people just want someone to be there on their side just for that moment .
it helps to know that maybe just maybe you can get through this.

cause in the end, it's you yourself that can help you through any problem.
Others, can only convince you to have that confidence.

And whats a better way to get that than having someone saying

"Screw everyone. You can do that 10 times better ;)"

Like it's one of sure-st thing in their life. :D
Although just saying.

*Shout out to pandspands : Thankyou for the awesome chitchat. I owe you.


Monday, 26 September 2011


Pointless photo :p

Anyhow, why am I suddenly feeling sad to leave this place?
Don't get me wrong. I still want to leave this place. Anywhere will be better as long as it's closer to home.
But then again, who am I kidding? I've learnt so many things while I'm here :)
Things that I'm sure I'll remember a life time.
The inevitable dramas, joy and heartbreaks. Priceless I must say,
And the people. Can't lie, there are a  number or people, that if possible, I wanna bring back home w me.
Hahah There are so many things and habits and routines Ill be leaving behind once I go.

So yea, among the things I'll miss : 

1. Le Boss! :) (please move to KL)
2. Getting to eat Asama's Sticky Rice w Mango whenever I want. Hmph (please move to KL)
3. The fact that I can run to Penang whenever I want.
4. The fact that I can run wherever I want, whenever I want.
5. Classes and classmates (really! :)) ahah
6. Pantai Merdeka's Keropok Lekor!
7. Being near to so many ikan bakar spots like tanjung dawai. Just 45 minutes away :S
8. The fact that I can reach certain people anytime and everytime I want.

Among the things Ive always wanted to do here but couldnt :

1. Visit one of the waterfalls. Tak pernah2. :(
2. Picnic!
3. Hot water spring kt Legong.. eh? 

and aaaah ada a few more I cant seem to remember now. Oh well Ill edit it time to time when I remember.

Can't seem to bring myhead around this idea of me leaving yet,
Suddenly time flies by so fast. Slow down a bit. 

And YOU, I'm so gonna miss you.


Friday, 23 September 2011


It's so hard when you're so proud of something
but you can't show it too people.
Or in other words,
It's so hard that you have to hide something that makes you happy. 

And it is also so hard when all you want is to make someone proud,
but all he/she wants is to make sure no one knows about you.
Like you're just the biggest embarassment.

If only theres a way to tell ourselves how to feel, then life would be so much easier.

Ha it's 06:10am. Gonna stuff myself w McDonald's breakfast.

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

It's the final countdown.




I don't like being here. I can't put my trust on anybody. 
Being home, I know I feel secure knowing I can trust each one of you. 
I can be me and not worry. 

People here always expect something from me. 
And when I don't fullfill, there is alway consequences that Imma have to face. 
I'm tired. It's so hard living w your guards up everystep of the way.
I can't sit down and relax.

I don't care if it exhaust me to go back and forth.

Monday, 19 September 2011

.....And by now you'll probably be waiting for I-fell-in-love-and-we-live-happily-ever-after update.
I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm still single and happy. Har Har.
But I was, infact, melted to the deepest core there is in my body.  (:
I got a dear friend, and I swear he's heck funny. He's so shy but he always cover it up with some stupid humour and it's fun just watching him say something, then take it back, then mumble whatever nonsence to hide his embarassment. Haha 
Never talked to him formally before. But he asked me a desperate favor with his work, and the rest is history. ;)
Anyhow, been spending some time w him lately. Not much. Just a couple of times. 
It was not until late that I found out that he, is quite a stalker. HAHA.

So here are the things that I discovered : 
  • He has known about my existence since first semester. Said hi to me a couple of times, but I swear I don't remember. lol SORYYYYYYYY
  • It was not until late last sem that he found out what my name was, and search me up at facebook, and twitter dengan penuh semangat waja. 
  • He sees me as a 10  20! and sees himself as a 5. That prevented him from talking to me (anyonyonyonyonyonyonyonyo :p)
  • and here's the thing, HE HAD A CRUSH ON ME....for 2 SEMESTERS! harharharharharharhar

Let me repeat that,

UiTM Merbok's own Bruno Mars, 
had  a crush on me, for 2 semesters.
Out of almost 2 thousand in our batch,

Thats what he said la :p
Excuse my overly excited self. But OH MAIII GAWD. so terharu :') Hahah!

 More of his words (translated into english):
 "You always rent a car with your friends. And there was this one time I said hi to you. You wore a white blouse,  peach scarf, and black pants. I mcm woaah "

And I pun mcm woaaaaaaaaaah you remember? I must looked really good that time huh? HAHA
okay I kid, I kid (: 

Anyhowww, well it was a stupid crush so I guess eventually he stopped? :)
Hehe. But choo chweet.
Unfortunately I got to know you semester 3, long after you've stopped. lol

BUT, thank you so much for melayan-ing karenah I all this while. 
I've been burdening you , I know. 

I owe you alot. This post is for you. Probably you tngah depan computer menyumpah nyumpah I skrg.
"Sumpah tak kelakar you. sumpah tk kelakar".
 HAHAHA. im evil and I know that too.



Ah Yes I'm still here at Merbok but I already got one parting gift! :) haha So macam nak taknak memang kena blah la next sem kan. lol.

I got this from my dear friend. He's like a brother ro me. Known him since 2 years ago even before I entered here. Hee syg gila. I've never seen this thing before. It's like Half picture album, half accessories box.

and it's heck lovely :') Spent the whole day membelek-ing this thing tadi. It's perfect.
That seems like the only way to describe it. 

A Purrrfect Gift.

and it's the only thing that seems right about my day today.
You just made my day. No lie. Call me melodramatic,
but I swear I'm not lying.

Thankyousomuch.Will never.ever. forget you. 
You have always been such a wonderful friend to me,
and if anything, I want you to know that
I want to always be there for you too.


Sunday, 18 September 2011

Takda semangat.

"Honestly, your carry mark is not encouraging. Yours is average. 
But if you strive to do your best tomorrow, nothing is impossible"


Saturday, 17 September 2011


Do not say I didn't warn you ciya. Stupidstupidstupid.

             It's 4.12am and I'm alone at KFC Jalan Besar. I can't lie. It's heck lonely. I'm horibly homesick.
Been emotional these past few days. I think I'm PMS-ing. Har har . Yes. now it all makes sense. -______-
Oh well, Monday is final examination paper for English and I don't know a single bloody thing on citations.
Why the heck do you want a precise format for end-text anyway? Cant it be just "Authorname.title.magazine.year". Afterall, it's the information that matters right? All this format is effin ridiculous. It's unnecessary and stupid.

Also, my tummy is hurting like !@#$%^&*()*&^%$#@!@#$%^&*.

"Isn't anyone trying to find me? Won't somebody come take me home?It's that damn cold night. Trying to figure out this life. Won't you take me by the hand take me somewhere new, I don't know who you are but I'm, I'm with you. " - I'm with you, Avril Lavigne.

Wont somebody come take me home ? :/


Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Tuesday, 13 September 2011


"It's amazing how a single text from you can make me feel happy for almost the whole night. You put spells on it eh? Mandram apa you guna? Tell me so that I can put the same spells on you pulak. Haih. It's so unfair. :( Though it would be better if you could just reply. Haha Goodnight <3"

I didn't tell you. But that one message from you, is all I needed to get by for the next few weeks :) To know the fact that there is someone who still genuinely cares out there, wherever you are. I miss you. and everybody at home. It's so nice to feel appreciated. I don't feel appreciated here. I'm sorry I didn't reply your messages. You know how suckish I can be in replying messages. lol. 

Ha what's even more suckish?  The fact that I'm not sure who to trust here :( It's a scary world out here, to be frank. I put up a confident, ever-so-happy front, when the truth is, I'm scared beyond words. Lost in translation. The thin line that separates genuinely sincere people, and two-faces monsters, is blurred so bad that I dont know which is which anymore :S help.

Monday, 12 September 2011


Jap. Lemme get this out dulu..


TESTS SEMUA DAH HABIS. OMG OMG. Boleh tidoq 3 hari please. Otak dah senget and I swear I'm not lying.

Just now I've taken the last of tests for this semester. Subject proving :)
But here's the story. Test was supposed to start at 10 am. Guess what time did I wake up?

10.10 am. WAKE UP. Bukan dah siap. Only starting to open my eyes. Tu pun because my classmate called. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. 

Terus, dengan mamai lagi, jumped out of bed, grabbed whatever decent pieces of clothings nearest, rushed to the toilet to wash my face, capai for my bag, DASH! Reached class at 10.20 am. Hehe.

BEFORE YOU MAKE ANY CONCLUSION, PLEASE note that I've taken my bath at 2 am the night before. So I wasn't at all stinky :p And I took my bath right after test. So yea. I am still ever so wangi :p

However, due to the fact that I jumped straight out off bed when I could still barely open my eyes, MY HEAD NOW HURTS LIKE ~!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$. It's like migraine, except this time its the whole part of my head. Feels like it's gonna blow :(

Oh well, that's one thing to add to the sickness list. Joy.

P/S : Nak cendol please?