Friday, 8 April 2011

Mentally Abused.

Alhamdulillah I got through my account test this morning.
Account is the only subject that Im not lying when I say my level of understanding is 5%.
Sad huh ?  But after struggling overnight (cheh satu malam je), haha
I was able to NOT passed up a blank paper.
Yay me :)

It has been a constant struggle here in UiTM.
Life here is so very VERY VERY hard.
I know I've said this alot but it means so much more this morning somehow.
What if the place you go to run from problems and frustration, is NOW a problem and the cause to your frustration?
I was mentally abused.

You know, I've always been the type of person that supports the believe to "tegur" someone
if he or she has done something wrong.
I believe you should come clean about everything, rather than keeping it inside.
Yes, I admit, I support the idea a 110%.  Thats the way it should be.

BUT the motive of it all is to make sure everything is out , nicely, so that BOTH parties
are satisfied in the end, right?  It's supposed to be a win-win situation right? 
So the case would end there and everything will be okay again, w no awkwardness, RIGHT?

What if one of the party is standing in a very offensive way ?

Talking w a tone so harsh it goes straight to your heart? 
Or maybe using the expression of extreme EXTREME annoyance? 
Tilting the back slightly behind as if to show some sense of total control ?

would YOU take that as teguran, or plainly scolding you ?
We should know there's a thin thin line separating teguran, from offending.

I might have sounded so stupid w the excuses,
but Im just a human who was attacked back to back; in surprised. IN FRONT of teammates.
Any natural respond would be immediate defend. There's no time to think.
But I didnt talk much because I know theres no point of me doing so. 

And nobody has ever talked to me like that.
Even my father didnt do that.
His method is always .. "Ciya..come sit down w me. I have something to talk to you about.."
and he went on lecturing me, with soft tone, but very tegas.
And I would remember his lecture for the rest of my life cause it went straight to my
And I strongly believe he raised me up just fine. 
If there is any imperfections on me, it is all due to my own boystrous self.

Im not some kid .
And I believe that Ive never intended to disrespect anybody ,even once.

But the concept of respect is you got to earn it.
You have to give respect in order to get respect.
It's not a one way thing.

But now, by the way how everybody conduct a meeting, how I was scolded like I'm the stupidest person alive, I feel like I've just made the WHOLE EVENT came crashing down into 
a hugeee disaster!...just because I didnt make it there.
Everybody is extremely disappointed. Extremely annoyed. 
And it's a horrible HORRIBLE feeling to feel like that you know?
To feel as if you're the cause to a major chaos.
 But the thing is now...that DISASTER didnt even happen.
My fault was only normal human's careless mistake....I was forgetful n careless in everyway.
and I got brought down like some worst criminal on trial.
I do think my absence was negligible.

AND it shouldnt be the platform for you to judge me like Im not gonna show support in the future.
Consider the effort Ive put in all this while.
I might not be the type who is ever so friendly and close with the committee,
but at least I got every work done.

I'm sorry. I know where you're coming from. I know you people's intention was noble. 
I'll try to improve.
but you can't do all that to me, and simply asked for me to not be feeling down ;
To not be awkward w everyone .
Immediately snap back out from a criminal and be cheery again.
 Dont you think it's just a tad bit to hard now ?
I just cant
I did everything by heart, but now I feel im gonna force everything.
But dont worry, if theres anything Ive learnt from being here,
is PRETEND :) Im so good at pretending to be fine.


1 comment:

  1. there something pretending can helpbut remember, at the end, u r at the losing side. pretending 2 be happy is just the same as asking 4 more. different people is rought up differently n not many people is as open as u r (if i'm wrong, sooo sorry) but there r ways how u can advise them of their wrong doing n that only can be achieve by observing them. :)